


The Language of Flowers

by RensSaxophone



Series: Flowers [1]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:07:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone
Summary: When Ranmaru starts coughing up flowers for a second time in his life, he's already cursing his luck- but taking care of it isn't nearly as easy as he wishes it were.
Relationships: Ichinose Tokiya / Kurosaki Ranmaru
Series: Flowers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885741
Kudos: 16





	The Language of Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> warnings ; it's a hanahaki disease fic, but there's blood, pain and choking.

Ranmaru had woken with a sore throat, and the annoyance had followed him the entire day, a tickle just far enough back in his throat to consistently irritate him. It hadn’t been until he was playing his bass that night that the coughing had started, and what had started as light coughing had turned into hacking, and he heads to the bathroom. When he coughs up and spits out what’s in his throat, he expects it to be phlegm, and he’s cursing himself for the cold he must be getting. He can’t afford to be sick right now. 

But when his hand reaches out to the handle, to flush the toilet, he pauses, actually noticing exactly what he had coughed up. He feels an immediate sense of unease, looking at the purple petals in the toilet. 

Ranmaru tells himself that he must have accidentally swallowed a flower when he was walking and somehow managed to not not notice it. He flushes the toilet, but when he looks at himself in the mirror, he notices how much paler he’s gotten. 

He tries to return to his bass, but his mind is on the flower. 

It can’t be. It can’t _possibly_ be what he thinks it is, because he’s already _done_ this. 

The name alone of the Hanahaki disease makes Ranmaru wince. 

Almost all of the information he had gotten, from the last time he had it, was from Ren- because Ranmaru had gotten the surgery to get rid of the flowers. That much he does remember. 

According to Ren, the story was horrible. 

The woman’s name was Siera. Ranmaru hardly remembered her, but from what Ren’s told him, it was really for the best. Ranmaru had been straight forward with her, approaching her shortly after he had figured out just who the flowers were really for- and apparently she had shot him down quick. 

Ren had told Ranmaru that Ranmaru had told him that she was the one that suggested Ranmaru get the surgery, to get rid of his feelings. Normally, Ranmaru might wonder- but he could almost recall the sting of the conversation, despite the complete emptiness he felt when he thought of her. 

But even without the memories, the mere thought of the disease filled Ranmaru with something similar to despair. Wasn’t it enough to have it once?

Ranmaru didn’t want to ruin his chance for love. He knows the surgery threatened it- but he just wished that he could just _fall in love_. Not every relationship had started with the disease. Most relationships didn’t. Most people could get through their entire life without a single petal ever filling their lungs- so why did Ranmaru have to get it _twice_?

And the color of those flowers…

Ranmaru is thrown out of his thoughts when he hits a wrong note on his bass, and the harsh sound makes him wince. 

He gets up, to put down his bass. It wasn’t important. This had to be a fluke, Ranmaru was sure. There was no point in worrying about it now. The flower had probably fallen off of his clothes or something.

With that, Ranmaru is quick to get ready to go to bed, even though it’s only six. This evening, and the sore throat he’s had all day, has taken everything out of him. 

It still isn’t easy for Ranmaru to sleep- which almost never happens. It’s hard for him to shut his mind off, and even when he does, flowers are a prominent part of his dream. 

When he wakes up, his throat is still sore, but everything is otherwise normal. He breathes in heavily through his nose, but the air comes in easily. It probably isn’t a cold. Ranmaru hopes it’s just a sore throat and a cough. It’s too easy now, to force yesterday out of his head. Maybe he had a fever, too, and yesterday was some sort of hallucination. 

God, Ranmaru hoped so. 

The day almost goes by, completely uneventfully- and by the time he’s getting ready for bed, he’s even getting used to the tickle in his throat. 

It isn’t until two days later that Ranmaru wakes up, coughing. He feels himself cough something up, unable to get out of bed in time, but whatever he coughs out lands in his hand- and he freezes. It feels soft, though a bit damp, and his fingers run over the petals in his hands. If that’s what you could call them. They almost looked like small flowers. Ranmaru wants to tighten his hand. He wants to crush them- to get rid of them. To pretend like it never happened. 

But he doesn’t. He gets out of bed, squinting as he turns on the lamp besides his bed, and he sleepily makes his way to his desk. He slams the petals down on the desk as he pulls out his chair, opening up his laptop. It was old, and slow, but it worked well enough for when he needed to look something up. Something like this. 

When it starts, Ranmaru takes a close look at the pieces of the flower. They were a deep purple, looking like tiny flowers. They weren’t particularly painful- but he was only a few days into the disease. It wasn’t likely to get bad for a while yet. 

Ranmaru had heard cases that went on for years. But he never paid much attention to these kinds of stories. After all- before he had gotten it the first time, he never thought it would happen to him. After the second time, he was sure it would never happen again. What he wouldn’t give to have been right. 

Ranmaru wasn’t able to be much more descriptory, and while he did enjoy flowers, and he really did enjoy looking at them- he wasn’t familiar with all types. And this was a type he wasn’t familiar with. 

The first thing he does is try to match the pictures to what he had on his desk, and after a moment he was content to settle on _lavender_. 

At least he knew _exactly_ who these flowers were for. The color was a dead giveaway, in Ranmaru’s opinion- but maybe that was because as soon as he thought of Tokiya he was hit with a grim understanding. It wasn’t hard to acknowledge that he had feelings for his junior, though he never would have admitted to it before this. Ranmaru wasn’t a relationship person. That could make _this_ hard. 

His index finger taps on the desk as he reads through the flower language for the flower. He didn’t quite relate himself to some of the meanings- things like calmness and serenity. He guesses Tokiya could come off a calm person, and it was one of the things that drew Ranmaru to the man in the first place- but it wasn’t _Ranmaru_. There was a devotion aspect to it, that Ranmaru could sense among both of them, but the one description he found that would still his finger and bitter his expression was the word “distrust.”

Ranmaru scowls at the word.

Something about the honesty to it rubbed Ranmaru the wrong way. 

Distrust. 

He was right to be distrustful. The last time he had done this, it sounded like it had gone absolutely horribly. And what right did he have to believe that Tokiya would reciprocate his feelings, either?

Ranmaru closes the tabs and he takes the petals, sweeping them off the desk and into his hand, to go dispose of them. 

Ranmaru needed to figure out what to do, but he still had time. He had plenty of it. He could handle coughing up a couple of flowers for a little while. After all, this was only the first phase. 

And Ranmaru would stay in the first phase for months. He would continue working, only sometimes needing to excuse himself to go cough up a few petals, before he’d get back into it. The soreness in his throat hardly bothered him after some time of getting used to it. The other boys in his band hardly even noticed that anything was wrong, and they dropped it when he brushed it off. 

By the six month point, Ranmaru was coming home with both pockets full of petals. He could hardly go a few hours without a coughing fit. 

The next worry addition were the buds, mixed in with the petals- but with the buds came blood. Ranmaru always winced when he’d pull his hand back to see red mixed with the purple. 

Ranmaru had really thought about his next steps. 

He shied away from the surgery. Not only had he been through it once- and it wasn’t fun to have or heal from, but that wasn’t what scared him. Ranmaru may not have been a man that was really into relationships- but that didn’t mean that he never wanted to find love. He wanted to find the right person for him, and to have someone else that he could really trust, and that he could really care for. He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want to risk never being able to love anyone. 

He didn’t want to lose his love for Tokiya, either. 

Ranmaru couldn’t even confidently say that he wouldn’t rather die.

But he didn’t want to talk to Tokiya about it, either, because what happens if Tokiya doesn’t feel the same? If Tokiya can’t?

Ranmaru’s hand lifts to his chest when he imagines Tokiya telling him to get the surgery. The way he was sure that Siera had told him, too. The confidence that his feelings would not and could not ever be returned. 

Ranmaru wasn’t an overly emotional man- but that thought _hurt_. 

And it wasn’t as if he had _ever_ been obvious with Tokiya. Ranmaru’s affection only showed through his tolerance of Tokiya. He was more than happy to hang out with Tokiya, and to spend time around the man- but Ranmaru doubted that Tokiya saw that as anything more than Ranmaru willing to keep it friendly. 

Anything further than Ranmaru, not being annoyed by Tokiya.

Because Ranmaru wasn’t ever willing to let himself show Tokiya how he felt. Ranmaru regrets that now.

And Ranmaru hadn’t been avoiding Tokiya, but he hadn’t been acting differently, either. Of course, Tokiya had noticed that Ranmaru was feeling unwell, but Tokiya didn’t push him when Ranmaru assured him that it was nothing more than a long staying cough. Ranmaru didn’t think Tokiya believed him- but as long as Ranmaru was still showing up and acting normal, Tokiya let it slide. 

It’s a year in, when Ranmaru realizes that he’s pushing it. It’s when he wakes up with an intense pain in his chest, and he starts coughing so hard that he falls when he tries to get out of the bed. He doesn’t realize what’s happening, until he finally coughs out an entire flower, bent over like a sick dog, and when the flower is finally out, Ranmaru slumps, not quite able to catch himself, landing on the floor as he tries desperately to catch his breath. When he can breathe again, he reaches out, to hold up the full lavender flower, and it makes him wince. There’s a generous amount of blood on it, and he’s not surprised to see it. It’s long- and it almost feels like a miracle that he managed to cough the entire thing up. He stands, taking the flower with him- and he stares at himself in the mirror. His chest is moving with his shallow, quick breaths, and there’s red, spotting his mouth, and some of the blood has made its way to his chin. He’s paler, and he notices a smaller petal, stuck to the corner of his mouth. He washes it away as he washes the blood off. 

He stays in the bathroom for a long moment. 

Ranmaru has to talk to Tokiya. He had gone a year of keeping this under wraps- of never actually forwarding his relationship the way he should be trying to… but he thought he had more time. 

Now, he wasn’t so sure. Full flowers were a _very_ bad sign.

On a second thought, Ranmaru turns the water onto the lowest pressure he can, and he washes off the lavender. When it’s rid of the red, he holds it up to the light. 

It really was a pretty flower. But it would be prettier if he weren’t _coughing_ them up.

Ranmaru can’t sleep that night, kept awake by nerves of all things. 

He manages to convince himself to push off his meeting with Tokiya long enough to see a doctor- and the next morning, he’s lucky enough to get into a doctor’s office two days from now. 

He only coughs up one more flower- though this time, he doesn’t wait to fully cough it up. It hurts, when he pulls it out, but he does. He ends up washing this one off, and he keeps it with the other. 

The doctor’s visit is fast, and Ranmaru leaves it grim and unsettled.

_”Mr. Kurosaki.” The doctor greets. “What can I help you with?”_

_“I’ve been coughin’ up flowers.” Ranmaru says flatly._

_The doctor’s face becomes apologetic. “I see. What stage are you at?”_

_“They’re full flowers. Lavender, ‘m pretty sure, if it matters.”_

_“ _Full flowers_?” The doctor seems shocked. “How long have you had this?”_

_“‘Ve gotten ‘ta full flowers a few days ago, but the first petal was about a year ago.”_

_“...I’m sorry to say that it may be too late, for surgical involvement. We can schedule a few scans, but I don’t have much confidence that there’s much we can do for you.”_

_“...When can I get the scans?”_

The doctor had pulled some strings- and he had done the scans then. With a life of death situation, Ranmaru was lucky enough to convince them to give him the results the next morning- but when Ranmaru gets back home, he grabs the two flowers from where he had set them, and he leaves his apartment, to go to Tokiya’s. 

Ranmaru’s face is dark, the entire way to Tokiya’s apartment, and his nerves are palpable. He wonders if this is going to be it. The doctor seemed to think that Ranmaru was done for- and if Tokiya didn’t like him back… Ranmaru really might be. 

Ranmaru hesitates for a long moment, but he finally lifts his hand to knock on Tokiya’s door. Tokiya answers it pretty quickly, but his eyes fall on the lavender flowers Ranmaru is holding onto. “Y’want some flowers?” Ranmaru’s voice is dry. 

Tokiya’s eyes glance to Ranmaru’s face, but Ranmaru must not be doing a very good job at hiding his feelings from his expression, because Tokiya becomes very serious. “Will you come inside?” 

Ranmaru nods.

Tokiya shuts the door after Ranmaru enters, and his hand lands gently on Ranmaru’s back, to lead him to sit on the couch. Ranmaru feels his throat closing up. He wanted to speak to Tokiya, before he made his condition obvious, but he can’t stop the coughing fit he lands himself into. Only a few seconds in he drops, desperately trying to catch his breath. He’s crouched, his arm on the couch, curled over. He sticks his fingers in his mouth, to pull out the flower. 

Tokiya had lowered himself with Ranmaru, to try to rub his back- but it isn’t until Tokiya sees him pulling out a _flower_ that Tokiya’s hand moves carefully to his wrist, holding onto it but afraid to stop him. “Ranmaru!” Ranmaru doesn’t stop until he’s pulled out the flower, and he can’t look at Tokiya while he catches his breath. Tokiya hasn’t lifted from him, one hand on his wrist and the other on his back. Tokiya’s shocked, clearly, but he finally settles on what he’d like to say. “Don’t- you can’t just _pull_ those out! Look at all of that blood.”

Despite the scolding Ranmaru is getting, Tokiya’s hand is rubbing his back- but he doesn’t know. Ranmaru can tell that Tokiya hasn’t yet connected the pieces between Ranmaru’s flowers and Tokiya himself. Ranmaru sighs, once he’s caught his breath. “‘S what I came ‘ere to talk about. Was kinda plannin’ ‘t just tell ya, but I guess I had ‘t make a production of it.”

Tokiya frowns, but he holds Ranmaru down when Ranmaru tries to get up. “Maybe you should take another moment. You look pale.” 

“‘M always pale.” Tokiya’s stern look shows that he doesn’t care for Ranmaru’s joke. “Relax, Toki.” Ranmaru’s face changes, and his hand against the couch tightens, just a bit. He was going to tell Tokiya that he’d live- but that hit a bit close to home right now.

It must not be much different than what his expression had been, because Tokiya doesn’t focus on the shift, he focuses on what Ranmaru _had_ said. “ _Relax_?” Tokiya’s voice is harsh. “Ranmaru, you’re coughing up entire _flowers_! How long have you had this?”

“‘Bout a year.”

“A year.” Tokiya echoes, his voice disbelieving. “Ranmaru…” Tokiya’s jaw tightens. “I suppose it’s not as sore of a subject for you now- but I’ve heard stories from Ren, about his _friend_ who had gotten the disease before… and it wasn’t hard to figure out that it was you, from the stories and the timing. But then, you had taken care of it within the month. Why would you wait so long this time?”

“I ‘aven’t figured out what I wanna do yet.” Ranmaru grumbles, taking his wrist back to wipe off any extra blood off of his face. Tokiya finally lets him up, when Ranmaru actually makes a move to sit on the floor, but Tokiya does what he can to support Ranmaru onto the couch. Ranmaru’s throat ached, and it felt worse, with Tokiya being so close to him. But Ranmaru wanted Tokiya’s opinion before Tokiya knew that it was _Tokiya_. Ranmaru wanted the only bias in Tokiya’s opinion to come from how he already feels about Ranmaru. “‘S what I came ‘ere ‘t talk about.” 

Tokiya settles on the couch besides Ranmaru, giving a tense nod. “...I think you’ve taken far too long to speak to me. Have you spoken to anyone else?”

Ranmaru pauses, for just a second. While he’s slow to start, the answer doesn’t come slowly when he gives it. “A doctor.”

“Oh.” Tokiya almost seems a bit relieved, and Ranmaru can already tell that it’s going to suck to break the news to Tokiya. “...Have you chosen surgery?”

“Was thinkin’ about it.” Ranmaru’s jaw tightens. “Dependin’ on how everythin’ went. But it sounds like that’s not gonna be a real option.”

The silence stretches out for a long time, and Tokiya’s voice is low and dangerous when he speaks. “ _What_?”

Ranmaru sighs. “Just got back from the doctor. I took the scans ‘n shit, but the doctor was real open about how he thinks it’s too late ‘t involve surgery. I’ll find out for sure tomorrow, but it sounds like my only real hope is if by some miracle the person I like feels the same.”

Tokiya’s voice hasn’t changed. “You haven’t told them yet?”

“I ‘aven’t.”

“And why not?”

“...’Cause I dunno what their answer is. ‘N time moved by real fuckin’ fast. I thought I had more time ‘t bring it up.”

“You’ve had a _year_ , Ranmaru.” Tokiya turns his head, narrowing his eyes at Ranmaru. “You’ve been in pain for a _year_ \- and you’re telling me that it’s too late for surgery? You’re telling me-” Tokiya turns, and Ranmaru’s almost surprised by how _livid_ Tokiya looks. “That if you’re denied… that’s it. What happens if they reject you? They’re virtually condemning you to death! Ranmaru, I can’t believe y-” 

Tokiya gets cut off when Ranmaru moves, one of his hands gripping the side of Tokiya’s face, to pull him closer, and Ranmaru presses his lips firmly to Tokiya’s in a kiss a bit harsher than Tokiya had meant to. Ranmaru pulls back, after only a second. 

Of course, Ranmaru hadn’t given Tokiya time to really reciprocate, but Ranmaru didn’t really think that Tokiya would. That wasn’t how he was planning to reveal to Tokiya that _he_ was why Ranmaru was coughing up flowers, but it was too late now. 

Tokiya takes a few seconds, and then moves to follow Ranmaru. His kiss is no less rough than Ranmaru’s was, and it’s not much longer, either. Tokiya still looks pissed- his anger overshining his shock. 

“Ranmaru Kurosaki- you are an _idiot_.” Tokiya is glaring, but his hands lift to cup Ranmaru’s face. “If you would have just _told_ me that it was me a _year ago_ you wouldn’t be having this problem! I’ve liked you for _years_. The entire reason that I knew that you’ve dealt with this before was because I’ve paid attention to you for a very long time. I wish you would have just _told_ me.” Tokiya’s grip on Ranmaru’s face is tight. “I can’t even explain to you how _angry_ I am that you’re gambling with your life like this. It hasn’t escaped me- that you knew it was me and you still wouldn’t get the surgery, and that _will_ be a conversation for later, but right now I’m not done being angry with you for pushing yourself this far. You wouldn’t have even given me a chance to grow feelings for you, Ranmaru, if I didn’t already have them.” Tokiya lets go of Ranmaru’s face with one hand, and Ranmaru’s almost a bit stunned- when Tokiya firmly flicks his forehead. 

It stings for less than a second, but the action makes Ranmaru turn his head, because he can feel his eyes burn and he’s embarrassed. He can’t remember the last time he had cried in front of anyone- and trying to keep himself from actually crying was taking most of his focus. He hears Tokiya sigh, and Tokiya moves, still kneeling on the couch, but he pulls Ranmaru closer. With the way Tokiya’s kneeling, Ranmaru’s head lands against Tokiya’s chest, and Tokiya’s hand is on the side of Ranmaru’s face, his other holding onto Ranmaru’s shoulders. When Tokiya speaks again, his voice softens. “You terrified me, you know. Coughing up that flower.” Ranmaru thinks he can feel Tokiya’s hands shake. He had assumed from anger, but he’s wondering if that’s really right, now. “To lose you because you had _ignored_ this until it was too late…” Tokiya’s hand squeezes Ranmaru’s shoulder, pressing Ranmaru closer to Tokiya. Ranmaru hadn’t actually realized that a few tears had started to make their way down his cheeks until Tokiya gently wipes them from his face with his thumb. Tokiya lowers himself without releasing Ranmaru, pressing his forehead to the side of Ranmaru’s head, fully wrapping his arms around Ranmaru’s shoulders tightly. “God, Ranmaru- There’s just so many ‘What-if’s. I know you’re not overly close to anyone here, but I’m absolutely positive that even your bandmates would hate if anything happened to you.”

“...I wasn’t tryin’ ‘t kill myself, Tokiya.” Ranmaru’s voice sounds unsteady. “I really thought I had more time.”

“...Why didn’t you just get the surgery?” Tokiya asks quietly. 

“I know I don’t seem like the hopeless romantic type.” Ranmaru’s voice is flat, the only real discernible tone being _tired_. “But fuck, Tokiya, I’ve had this _twice_. ‘M not tryin’ ‘t ruin my chances of ever findin’ anyone. ‘N I wasn’t real fond of forcibly changin’ how I felt about that first girl, Siera, ‘n I _really_ wasn’t into changin’ my feelings for you.” Ranmaru’s eyebrows lower, and he sighs. “I don’t remember the real conversation. Only what I’ve been told- but I can’t imagine it was as easy as it sounds like I made it out ‘t be. Gettin’ the surgery the first time. But seems like she outright told me ‘t get it, ‘n if that ain’t a denial I dunno what is. ...Think I was nervous that you were just gonna tell me the same thing.”

“I wouldn’t.” Tokiya’s voice is too cold. “Ren had told me the story when I asked, voiding the names, but it seemed cruel, the way she did it. ...Especially with something like this. When you can’t control it… I just wish you would have tried.” Tokiya’s hand lifts, back up to Ranmaru’s cheek, gently. “Because an entire year of being in pain- I can’t even imagine how you managed to do your job.”

“The whole flowers were real recent.” Ranmaru’s arms are by his side- but his body is almost slumped. He’s expending too much energy just speaking as it is. But Tokiya’s touch doesn’t feel the same. His throat still hurts and his chest still aches, but it isn’t worsened by Tokiya’s touch. “‘S why I went to the doctor.”

“Finally.” Tokiya’s voice is a bit dry, but then he sighs. “I’ve read a lot about this disease. ...Out of morbid interest and a bit of fear-”

“Y’don’t have it, _right_?” Ranmaru’s interruption comes out harsher than he means it to, struggling against Tokiya’s grip to try to see his face. Tokiya holds him tighter, pinning him down. 

“I don’t.” Tokiya reassures. “I don’t. I was worried I might… but I promise you that I don’t.”

At the reassurance, Ranmaru returns to his slumped position against the couch. Tokiya’s hands never leave him. How badly _had_ Ranmaru scared him? 

“...But I’m aware that in order for requited love to help- _you_ have to believe it. If it were enough to just be loved, you wouldn’t have it in the first place, because my love for you has never been unrequited.” Ranmaru’s silence turns a bit stunned. This wasn’t Tokiya’s first admittance, of course- but it still struck Ranmaru. “...Will you stay over tonight Ranmaru?”

“...Huh?” Ranmaru wasn’t sure what he had expected from Tokiya, but he wasn’t sure that this was it. 

“I hope you believe me. When I tell you that I feel the same.” Tokiya’s thumb strokes over Ranmaru’s cheek. “But I’d like a chance to make you believe me, anyways. And… if it hasn’t worked, I’d like to keep an eye on you, if it’s this bad. And I’d also like to be there for you when the doctor calls. ...Though I’m… I’m hoping you won’t need to worry about that.”

“...I can’t tell.” Ranmaru answers honestly. “I wanna believe you- but I can’t tell if it’s gone. I barely feel any different, ‘n I dunno if I’m supposed ‘t or not.”

“Then that’s even more of a reason for you to stay.”

“...Alright.”

Tokiya relaxes against Ranmaru with a relieved sigh. “Thank you, Ranmaru.” Tokiya’s hand slowly removes itself from Ranmaru’s face, choosing to instead wrap around his shoulders, and Tokiya stays there for some time, though he moves to lay his head against Ranmaru’s shoulder. 

It’s not long after when Ranmaru starts coughing, and Tokiya pulls away, to rub his back. At first, Ranmaru is scared. He’s scared because it isn’t _working_ \- if anything, it’s worse. Ranmaru has to stand, to try to make his way to the bathroom, and Tokiya follows, trying to hide his fear, but it’s obvious to Ranmaru. Ranmaru shakes as he drops to his knees over the toilet. One hand grips the seat of the toilet, the other moving to his mouth. He can only assume that it’s another flower. Tokiya is hovering nearby, but he can’t stop Ranmaru in time when he starts to pull, but Tokiya freezes when he sees _what_ Ranmaru is pulling out. 

There’s an uncomfortable amount of blood, and Ranmaru’s face is pained- but when it’s out, Ranmaru realizes that they’re _roots_. He coughs again, some more blood coming up with it, and a few petals making their way from his throat. When he’s finally able to start trying to catch his breath, his legs give out on him. When he’s on the ground, Tokiya sits down with him. Tokiya’s eyes are too wide. 

Ranmaru’s eyes close, leaning against the bathtub. This was the worst he had felt yet- even the flowers had nothing on this. He’s torn- because he isn’t sure if he should go to the hospital, and he doesn’t really want to, either. He’d rather just lay down. 

“M-Maru?” Tokiya’s voice shakes, carefully moving closer. Ranmaru’s eyes open. Tokiya had slipped a few times and had called him “Ran”, but something about this nickname had made Ranmaru’s chest constrict. He wasn’t sure if it were the name that did it, or if it was the fear in Tokiya’s voice.

Ranmaru reaches out to Tokiya, though his arm feels heavy. He isn’t sure exactly where he’s reaching, but Tokiya grabs his hand, holding onto it tightly with both of his. Ranmaru squeezes his hand. “‘S rough.” Ranmaru’s voice is shot, and it’s significantly more hoarse than it had been when he entered. “‘M just… tired.”

“Should I call someone?” Tokiya holds tightly onto his hand. “Can I help?”

“Just give me a minute.” Ranmaru mumbles, letting his eyes close again. “‘M just real tired.”

“Let me at least help you to the bed- if you really won’t go see anyone. Sleeping on the bathroom floor can’t be comfortable.” Ranmaru might have argued- if he really were just going to rest. But he could feel his body get heavier and if he kept his eyes closed for much longer, he probably would fall asleep. Ranmaru forces himself to sit up, and Tokiya is quick to help him. Tokiya leads him to the bed, only just managing to pull back the covers before Ranmaru collapses onto the bed. It’s all Ranmaru can do to make sure that he stays on the edge of it, but Tokiya actually nudges him a bit more into the middle. Tokiya would hate if Ranmaru were to roll over, or to fall. 

“Thanks, Toki.” Ranmaru mumbles. His eyes had opened to get to the bed, but they’re closed again already. Tokiya tucks Ranmaru in. 

Ranmaru is almost out when Tokiya finally climbs back into the bed after turning off the lights and getting into sleep clothes. Ranmaru’s pretty sure it’s still early, but Tokiya didn’t seem to have an issue with lying down with Ranmaru. While Tokiya does stay on his own side of the bed, Ranmaru feels Tokiya press a kiss to Ranmaru’s forehead, and his voice is a very low mumble, trying not to wake Ranmaru. “I promise that I’ll get you to believe me. No matter what it takes.”

If Ranmaru were awake, he’d respond. Because he _does_. He does believe Tokiya. 

He isn’t sure why it isn’t over. 

When Ranmaru wakes up, it’s actually to a phone call. He sits, clearing his throat and wincing, getting a petal off of his tongue, but he answers the phone. 

“Ranmaru Kurosaki?” Ranmaru makes an acknowledging noise. It’s the doctor from yesterday. “I’ve received your results. Would you prefer to discuss them over the phone or in person?”

“Phone’s fine.” Ranmaru’s throat still hurt from yesterday, but his voice almost sounded a bit better. 

“I’m afraid it isn’t good news. The scans have shown that it’s in the later stage developments and roots have grown in your lungs. If you’re interested in the surgery, I’m afraid that the likelihood of it working is very low.”

“Roots?” Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow, and he glances behind him, at Tokiya, who is still asleep behind him. “I coughed up somethin’ that kind of looked like roots last night. ...I talked ‘t the person the flowers were for ‘n they said they felt the same- is… was coughin’ up the roots a good thing or a bad one?” 

“If you coughed up the roots, that’s excellent news.” The doctor almost sounds relieved. “It means your body is getting rid of the rest of flowers in your lungs, but after a few more days of coughing up the rest, you shouldn’t have anything else. If it persists longer than a week, I’d suggest getting more scans, but I believe that’s unlikely.”

“...Thanks.”

“Of course. Have a good rest of your day, Mr. Kurosaki.”

Ranmaru waits until he’s off the phone, and then he lets his hand fall. His head falls forward, and his free hand rubs over his face. 

Thank _fucking_ God. 

Ranmaru could handle a few more days of this. 

He’d slide his phone back on the table, and he’d move, to lay back on the bed. He was exhausted again- but at least this time it stemmed from relief. 

Tokiya hums softly, to blink himself awake. His hand rests on Ranmaru’s arm. “Was that the doctor…? I’m sorry… I meant to be awake for that.”

Ranmaru’s hand covers Tokiya’s over his arm, and Ranmaru’s soft smile actually wakes Tokiya up a bit more- giving him a doe-eyed look. Ranmaru squeezes Tokiya’s hand. “Just confirmation. Y’don’t need ‘t worry about me.”

“Are…” Tokiya’s eyebrows furrow. “I’m confused. Are you getting the surgery?” There’s something in his eyes- a genuine sad expression that he’s obviously trying to hide, that gets Ranmaru to turn. Ranmaru continues to hold onto Tokiya’s hand, though he removes it from his arm to hold it. 

“It was _you_ , Toki.” Ranmaru’s eyebrow raised. The soft smile had disappeared, but there’s still a fond look in his eyes. “Coughin’ up the roots yesterday was a good thing.” Ranmaru squeezes Tokiya’s hand. “Means that it worked. But I should’a known.” Ranmaru moves forward enough for his nose to touch Tokiya’s, and Tokiya’s grip tightens on Ranmaru’s hand. “...Fuck, Tokiya- I never thought you _yellin’_ at me was what would make me believe you gave a shit about me, but it worked. I really did believe what you said yesterday, y’know.”

Tokiya smiles. “Good.” He leans in, to press a short, careful kiss to Ranmaru’s lips- but when he pulls away, he looks serious. “But don’t you _dare_ pull anything that dangerous again, Ranmaru Kurosaki.”

Ranmaru gives a sheepish smile- and it actually gets Tokiya’s expression to soften. “How could I, with you watchin’ out for me from now on?”

Tokiya huffs. “Well I guess I can’t argue with you when you’re right. I have every intention to keep a very close eye on you.”

Ranmaru’s grin becomes just a bit more casual, and a bit more teasing. “Y’know. It’s fast- but ‘m pretty sure it’s safe to say I love you.”

“Well, lucky for you, I love you, too.” Tokiya sighs. “But I’m never going to be able to look at lavender the same again.”


End file.
